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But Weil believes that's the time to stop and ask, "What's the rush now?

" An official call for a breakup, she feels, is actually a call to fix the marriage, because a divorced relationship (read: a distant relationship) has become your norm and nobody comes into a counseling session looking to do more of what they're already doing.

He suggests couples write down who will handle the activities of each specific day and occasion exactly one year after the marriage is over, covering the mundane-but-somehow-crucial stuff too, like who will get the Le Creuset, or change the snow tires.

These hard realities—which must include the even harder reality that 60 percent of all second marriages also fail—is a litmus test.

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