So let yourself shine."Dating and empowerment coach Laurel House agrees, suggesting that you need to get comfortable being alone as well."You don't need to feel like you 'should' be out doing things," she says.' That practice can bring you back to the present." Newton stresses the importance of breaking this habit: "If you're stuck in comparison mode, you can't appreciate your date for who they really are – they'll just be a reflection of what worked or didn't work about your ex."If you've been out of dating for quite some time, it's okay to be rusty. "You can't expect yourself to be a dating pro from the first moment you jump back in.Take it easy and take the process at whatever pace feels comfortable to you." But, Newton says, "if you're experiencing inordinate amounts of fear about dating, that's a pretty good clue that you have some unresolved trauma from the marriage to work through.To get to that place of self-love, she recommends "looking yourself in the eyes (in a mirror) and telling yourself five things you love about you, like 'I love my smile' or 'I love how I make others feel safe.'"When you're ready, the first thing to do, says House, is to physically get out there – no one will know you're available to date if you're staying inside your house all the time!
It's an old saying, but it keeps getting thrown around because it's true: You have to love yourself before someone else can love you."There's nothing to hide or be ashamed of, and avoiding the topic sets the tone that you're afraid of something." Moving on from the topic is equally as important as addressing it in the first place, Newton adds.Make it "clear you're willing to discuss it, but that you've also put it behind you. If the topic comes up, you might say, 'I'm divorced.If it's been so long since you've been in the game that you still think Netflix and chill means watching Netflix and well, chilling, it's fair to fear the world of swiping right and left and up and down.
Yes, it can be disheartening to jump back in to the dating world; weren't you supposed to be done with this?Whether you're "divorced, in between jobs, in debt, or really anything else that might make you feel weak, damaged, or insecure, don't be afraid to speak to it," says House.